My Relentless Attempt to Cope
I actually know a thing or two about being forced to change due to a public health crisis. I have had to use social distancing and self isolation many times over the past few years. I know how it feels to be scared, to not be able to go to the places you normally go, and to not know how your future is going to turn out. This is exactly how I felt at the beginning of sobriety.
The last few days have felt eerily close to September 17 2017, the last day I drank. I knew that everything about my life had to change and but I had nothing but uncertainty about what was to come. Now, I'm not comparing my path to sobriety to a national crisis (at all) but I do think that some of the same skills I used back then can still apply.
For starters, I need to know my triggers. I’ve tried to stay off social media. I really have. But the second I check my phone to see the time I notice my fingers going back and forth between Instagram and Facebook. I know not to be seduced by the lure of other people’s opinions but then I see title’s like “A letter from Italy” or a trusted friend who posts “This is what you need to know.” I can’t help but click which leads me down a rabbit hole. The next thing I know I’m seeing all the “bad stuff” that I have been trying to avoid.
I noticed people who weren’t following directions of social distancing (a huge trigger for me). I saw a blurb about how we’ve ransacked all the stores leaving nothing behind but then still going out to eat. I saw post after post about people stocking up on wine and beer and perpetuating the idea that the best way to survive an international health crisis is to get drunk. I saw people who’ve been complaining about how busy they are now complaining that they can’t be busy. I saw people missing the point.
Yesterday, my body surged with adrenaline and I was angry. I’ve always felt a huge amount of worry when safety is involved. My anxiety has convinced me that if we all just follow the rules that we can avoid bad things from happening. While I know this isn’t exactly true, I’m still like an anxious kindergartner who wishes everyone would just sit down and listen to the teacher.
Next, I need to have compassion for others (which starts by loving and accepting myself). I woke up this morning and read my Pema Chödrön handbook (morning reading is a tool I learned in sobriety). She wrote that we humans are not separate. We are all connected and that, while I may be annoyed, my annoyance and anger will only cause more suffering. She said “Choosing to cultivate love rather than anger just might be what it takes to save the planet from extinction.” I can save the planet from extinction by cultivating love? I’m in.
This is not the time to be angry. Every single person is entitled to respond to this crisis how they see fit and there is no controlling that. It’s ok for people to think, react, and feel differently than me. Difference is actually something I value very much. I trust that everyone is doing the best they can.
Finally, I need to remember that the one thing I have power and control over are my thoughts. So today, I choose to see the miracles that are happening. My children just completed a Facebook live music class that their music teacher has committed herself to teaching every day for two weeks. I see all of my favorite authors and influencers offering free sobriety classes, free online meditation, and free group talks. Glennon Doyle is offering free story time for children. Brenè Brown did a live church service (AS A NON PASTOR). My life coach just sent me a personal email to see if I wanted to Facetime. I choose to see the love that is circulating. It’s absolutely no surprise to me that the people who brought me peace in sobriety are now bringing me peace in this crisis.
By choosing to see the good things I changed my perspective. I see this break as a long deep breath for the Earth who could really use fewer travelers, less waste, and a slow pace. I see hope that by being home we can face some of the things that we’ve been trying avoid with perpetual “busyness.” I see this as an opportunity for our lives to be less cluttered and more aligned with our values.
I’m not minimizing the pain and suffering that will be caused by loss and the economic downfall. I’m still feeling scared. I’m terribly worried about those who at risk for getting ill, the caregivers who will help them, and those who will suffer far longer than the illness will last (depression, isolation, hunger, homelessness, addiction, etc).
But I know that when the dust settles some light will come through. If I walk around in anger, point my finger, and fail to use my most basic coping skills I will never be able to do my part to help. I’ve got to keep my perspective in check.
Wayne Dyer says “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Today, I see the beauty, connectedness, and love and my wish is that you are able to see this too.
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