Am I Addicted To Social Media?

I have a love/hate relationship with social media.  My son just read the title of this post and said, “Oh! I know what social media is.  It’s what you do all the time”

Ugh..

A few of my recent conversations have gone something like this

“I’m so glad social media wasn’t around when I was in high school!”  “How will we parent our kids through using social media as they get older?”  “When my kids get phones I’m going to set some strong limits.”

Meanwhile, I get back to my phone the second the conversation is over, relieved to no longer be physically talking to someone and resumed to a state of incoherence as I look at pictures of strangers. “It’s for work.” I lie as I scroll from one app to the next not even realizing that I’d gone from sending a work email to liking someone’s cat meme. 

If I’m being completely honest I have the social media maturity of a 12 year old.  I feel a rush of dopamine every time I get “likes” and a tad of dissapointment when so and so didn’t make a comment on that “funny” post I shared.  (Uh-oh, maybe they didn’t think it was that funny?) 

I lack self control. I have trouble setting limits.  And, I act as though if I don’t pick up my phone and scroll every 5 minutes I may stop breathing. But that’s not even the scary part.  

The most problematic thing about social media is the constant feeling of guilt. When I’m using an app I feel uneasy.  It’s similar to how I felt when I had one more beer knowing that I’d already had too many.  I know the app isn’t good for me but I have trouble stopping. 

In addition, I struggle with comparisons. I’m a mom living in a world where I can see literally every single thing that thousands of other mothers are doing!  I see what other moms feed their kids. I see how other moms dress their kids. I see how other moms work and take care of their family.  I see what other moms do with their kids on the weekends.

I see mom hacks, mom tips, mom bods, mom pantries, and mom jeans.  I see moms getting together for moms night out, moms killing it at work presentations,  and moms going on beautiful family vacations.  I even see some moms crying, struggling, and telling the truth about their parenting woes.

One would think that with all of this wonderful mom input I would feel like a perfect parent.  Since I can search anything from what moms do for fevers to what moms wear for family pics I should feel prepared, equipped, and supported by the beautiful feed of the women that have gone before me.  But, I don’t.  

Instead, I find myself feeling…..less than.  With such a massive influx of information it’s actually harder to make a decision. When I do get it right, I can’t help but flash back to a quick image of someone who did it better.  

I highly doubt that mothers of yesteryear cared about the presentation of the snack that they fed their kids.  They may have even patted themselves on the back for giving their children cheese wiz and crackers knowing that they were good moms making happy families.

They didn’t see pictures of anyone’s matching pj’s on holiday mornings or perfectly curated Easter baskets.  There was no regret when their family had a great day of running errands and going through the carwash because they had no idea that “Susan” had spent the day at the zoo or getting mommy/daughter mani/pedis.  At least until they talked on the phone the next week (and by then it was irrelevant). 

Just the other day, in a discussion with a friend I said “At least when I was in high school I could shut it off when I got home.  I didn’t have to constantly compare myself to those around me.”  We were talking about how social media affects the self esteem of middle schoolers and high schoolers. 

What about the impact that the constant pictures have on me?  What do I do with all the remarks, comments, advice, ideas, and input?  What about the fact that technology is addictive and shapes my brain, not just my child’s?

If you’re an adult around my age you may have some of the same issues.  We have grown up with the development our phones going from that giant suitcase thing, that had a dial pad, and sat in the passenger seat of our car to this emailing, picture taking, texting, editing, and gps thing that we use for anything but making an actual phone call (because Lord help me if I have to talk someone).

The research about the dangers, the addiction, and the harms are just now coming into play (after we’ve already developed them).  So now I have to learn coping skills to reduce my issue with social media unworthiness.  Read books on how to stop scrolling.  And try to implement strategies to keep my social media time to a “healthy amount.” As if I didn’t have enough to do already.

I wish I could say that I was above all of this and that I could just stop and live a life of peace and solitude.  But the truth is, social media has done some amazing things for me.  It’s the reason that I’m sober.  It’s the reason that I rediscovered my love of learning.  I’ve found amazing authors, friends, and been given epic opportunities all because someone found my feed. #youseethestruggleimhavinghere

So, for now, I guess the best thing I can do is acknowledge the impact.  Social media has an impact not just on young brains but on my development.  It’s not only about cyberbullying and screen time but also the physical stress (and therefore cortisol released) when I see someone post a political meme that I disagree with.  It’s about the shame I feel for how much I use it and being open to recognizing the affect it has on my mood.  It’s about combatting reality vs the highlight reel and putting down the comparisons.  It’s about doing things that aren’t social media worthy and loving every minute of them. 

Finally, like all addiction, the first thing to do is to be honest.  Hi, my name is Samantha, and I have a problem with social media.  Speaking of which, I better go check to see how my post is doing.

As always, thank you so very much for reading. Want to get more in depth with these posts for an ongoing conversation? If so, join my private facebook group here. And, if you would like to have my exclusive gift of resources and information, get that right here.