When I decided to stop drinking I knew the use of willpower wouldn’t be an option for me.  I had failed at enough quests (diets, plans, projects, etc) to know that sheer force wouldn’t work.  It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I learned exactly why.  

Willpower is a very limited resource that happens in the prefrontal cortex of our brain.  It is one of our decision making processes and there’s only a tiny bit available to us each day.  It’s meant to help us restrain or restrict impulses so that we don’t do things like walk out of work meetings every time something becomes difficult, divorce our spouse after a silly argument, and get in the car and drive to Mexico because we can’t stand another cold/rainy day.  In other words, it’s there to protect us.

Willpower was really never meant to be the thing to help us make our daily decisions.  Deprivation and suppression are only short term bandaids to be used until  better, more permanent, solutions can be developed.

According to google, it’s estimated than an average adult makes 35,000 conscious decisions each day.  That’s a lot of pressure!  From the minute we wake up we are faced with constant questioning about what we will do and how we will behave.  That’s why in today’s world “decision making fatigue” is a real thing (making willpower even less available).

Trying to rely willpower as my one tool to not drink is useless.  That’s why I spent years waking up with a slight hangover, swearing off alcohol, only to return to pouring myself a drink again by 5p.  I had exhausted all of my mental and emotional energy on those 35,000 other decisions. When it came to trying to make a decision about whether or not to drink, I had nothing left. My subconscious kicked into gear, making the decision for me, based on the years of training I had put in forming the habit of drinking.

One of the ways I’ve learned to make things easier is to reduce my decision making fatigue and save my mental and emotional energy for the things that really need my attention.  Here’s a few of my go to tips. 

I minimize my decisions.  

A few years ago my family and I minimized our entire lives.  We moved from a 4 bedroom 2 1/2 bath home  with 11 closets to a 2 bedroom 1 bath home with 3 closets.  This meant we got rid of a lot of stuff.  Today, we have exactly what we need and nothing that we don’t.  For example, if I need a water bottle, I grab the one I have.  There’s just the one.  I don’t exhaust myself spending five minutes looking for the right lid to the bottom I’m holding.

In my closet, I have four sweaters and three pairs of jeans that I wear in the winter.  When I get dressed I pick from one of those 7 options.  I don’t have to spend any time looking for something to wear or trying to find that one thing in a large pile of clothes.  I know what I have, I know that it fits, and I know where to find it.

Because of our mass reduction in “things,” we have less dishes to wash, less laundry to fold, less stuff to put away, and just less mess in general.  It makes my life so much easier.  I don’t spend important emotional and mental decision making on trivial things.

I know my weaknesses.  

5 o clock comes around every single day.  In the beginning days of living alcohol free, just looking at the clock was a trigger for me.  It’s the time when I used to pour a drink and “start winding down.”  It also happens to be the time of day when my kids are starving, everyone is grumpy, and we’ve all had enough of the shit that they day has thrown at us.  

This is not a time of day when I need to start wondering what we will have for dinner (because nothing will throw you into a craving for alcohol worse than a drop in blood sugar).  So, I have some simple meals planned out and ready to go.  

I don’t exactly cook up a bunch of food a week in advance, but I do have something in mind and the ingredients that I need to make it happen.  As long as I have the right stuff in the house I don’t go into the “witching hour” depleted of ideas, with no energy, and hungry which would definitely send me into a craving for a drink.

I also learned to accept that this will be a tough time.  Instead of trying to come up with ways to make it all go away, I breathe through it, and let the feeling pass.  By 6p we are all back to our happy places and life is good.

I’ve made up my mind.

If I had to decide whether or not I was going to drink each day the decision would be easy….drink.  There is no way in hell that I would be able to turn down the many invitations I receive daily to drink if I went into each one wondering what I would do.  I don’t get to a restaurant, look over the menu, and then decide to get a tonic and lime instead of a delicious IPA that I used to love so much. No! I know that I am never going to drink again.  I’ve made up my mind.

By doing so, I have eliminated that decision from one of the 35,000.  There’s never a question or a debate at all.  I don’t drink.  I don’t drink just like I don’t go to the tanning bed, just like I don’t cheat on my husband, and just like I don’t leave the house without a coat in the winter.  It’s not something that I have to think about.  I don’t drive by the tanning bed and wonder if I will ever again pull my car in and sign up for a membership.  I made the decision that I will never go there again.  Therefore, seeing a tanning bed means nothing to me.  In fact, I hardly even notice them at all.  

This took a little time but once I accepted that I don’t drink everything got easier.  Alcohol stopped having significance.  I stopped pining for it or wondering if that day will come when I can “drink again.” I drew the line, set the boundary, and weaved my decision into every fiber of my body. I don’t notice the wine list, I don’t notice the person drinking next to me, and I don’t ever have fantasies about drinking again.

These lifestyle changes didn’t happen over night. There was a lot of learning (and even more unlearning). I couldn’t plan my way out of a lifetime of drinking with the thought that I would just deprive myself every single time I wanted to drink.

Not drinking has changed everything about my life (in a good way). It’s not that I just don’t pick up a drink. I’ve rewired my brain, formed new healthier habits, found ways to heal my anxiety, learned (and continue to learn) about the science behind habit forming, and the effects of ethanol on the body. I’ve learned a ton about marketing and consumerism. I have found support and love from those who are smarter, wiser, and better at this than I will ever be.

So, if you’re telling yourself that you haven’t stopped or started that thing you’re doing because you “don’t have enough willpower.” You’re right. There’s a limited supply and so it might be time to try a different approach.

As always, thank you so very much for reading. Want to get more in depth with these posts for an ongoing conversation? If so, join my private facebook group here. And, if you would like to have my exclusive gift of resources and information, get that right here.