You Know You’ve Hit Rock Bottom When........
I’m into reading recovery memoirs. I love a good story (especially from women) about getting sober. In many of the memoirs I’ve read, there’s a part of the story that is so terrifying and cringe worthy that I find myself hoping that this chick will just stop drinking already!! In most cases, the horrible “rock bottom” that I’m sure would change her life forever, didn’t.
It happened in Highlight Reel Recovery when Emily, the author, got so drunk she ended up in a shady situation with a guy. It happened in Love Warrior when Glennon made another terrible decision. It happened in Girl Walks Out of A Bar, when Lisa was throwing up blood. As a reader, I’m screaming Just Please Stop Drinking. But in each situation, the author found herself drinking again. Only to discover later, in a less exciting situation, that the drinking needed to stop.
These rock bottom stories are what we love. We probably all know of someone who’s reached it. It’s what keeps a nice separate line between those that drink too much and those that can keep on drinking. For me it was clear, since I was never ever getting drunk like that I could just keep on keeping on. I was nowhere near throwing up blood or ever so drunk that I found myself snorting cocaine with strangers at 3am so I figured that my drinking was “normal.” Even safe.
This video from Gilmore Girls pretty much sums up my level of drunkenness. I loved nothing more than forming groups like “super cool party people” and singing and dancing even when it wasn’t the time or the place. Nothing bad ever really happened. And while embarrassing, shameful, and regretful at times it didn’t compare to some of the rock bottom stories that I assumed must happen in order to ever even consider quitting drinking. I believed that getting drunk was normal.
When people ask me about my rock bottom I disappoint by not telling an exciting story. No DUI’s. I wasn’t fired. I didn’t go to jail. I didn’t have my children removed. I didn’t lay naked in a ditch. I didn’t endanger anyone. No one understands when they hear that my rock bottom was that I was tired all of the time and I had a hunch that my life could be better. No one really cares that alcohol increased my anxiety so badly that I was miserable or that I couldn’t find a single speck of joy on days after drinking (which was a lot of days). It’s hard to understand that some nights after drinking nothing at all happened. No funny jokes, no dancing, no parties. Just me giving my kids a bath and putting them to bed while holding a glass or a can. It’s just not that exciting.
Even today, as I write this I’m so brainwashed by the idea of rock bottom that I still question whether or not things were “bad enough” for me to quit drinking. Since I don’t have that “one thing” to look back on I wonder if maybe my drinking wasn’t all that bad. I wonder if I’m really worthy of sobriety. But luckily, I’ve done enough research and learning about my substance of choice to know that I think those things because we live in a society that really loves to drink. So much so that it glorifies rock bottom as being the only way to quit.
And That’s A Problem.
Why wait? Why does rock bottom have to be the defining factor for change? I get that it’s a strong motivator. But why do we measure whether or not our drinking is affecting our lives by how bad things have gotten? The problem with that kind of thinking is that “it could always be worse.” The more alcohol you drink the more alcohol you drink. It’s a dangerous and addictive substance. Not everyone will become clinically addicted. But 1 out of 3 drinkers have problems with excessive alcohol use. Things like hangovers, headaches, sweating, broken shoes, lost purses, loss of memory, embarrassment, accidents, heart disease, cancer, and a laundry list of other crappy things are really good reasons to consider whether or not drinking is good for you.
It’s not just drinking. In many areas of health in this culture, we wait to hit rock bottom before we seek help. It’s a suicide attempt before finally getting mental health treatment. A heart attack before changing our diet. Lung cancer before we quit smoking. Sure, it could always be worse but how about using “could it be better” as a measurement instead.
You don’t have to wait! You don’t have to meet any specialized criteria to start making positive changes in your life! You don’t have to wait until something really bad happens. While everyone loves a good rock bottom story, yours just might be more high than low and that’s ok. If drinking doesn’t make you feel good you’re worthy enough to stop.