Have you talked about drinking today? What about yesterday? If you stop and listen you will notice that there is constant chatter about alcohol.  In the last 24 hours here are a few of the things that I have heard.

“Can we have these meetings at a bar so we can drink?”

“Alcohol makes everything better!”

“We’re gonna need a drink after this.”

“Too bad we can’t drink here.”

“The only problem is that you can’t drink there.”

We talk about it at work.  We talk about it on the playground.  We talk about it at dinner.  We hear about it on TV.  We hear it on the radio (just go listen to a country music station for one song).  We literally can’t stop talking about it. 

I never once noticed this when I was a drinker.  In fact, I loved to talk about drinking. Since drinking was such a huge part of my life it made sense that I would talk about it a lot.  At the time I had no idea how bad it was for me.  I was clueless as to how many people were suffering from some form of addiction.  I didn’t know the number of deaths (88,000 per year-more than any other drug-in case you’re wondering).

But now, this chatter feels like a red flag.  It’s a reminder of how brainwashed we have all become.  It’s a trigger for what big business, media, and money can do to an entire culture.  And, frankly, it worries me.

Would we talk like this about cocaine?  Would we laugh and joke that we can’t wait to head home and snort a line off of our sink?  Would we make joke’s about our drinking to our child’s teacher, our priest, the lady at the checkout counter, and our mother in law?  Would we encourage use by saying let’s get together and snort lines?  No. Never.

Ironically, cocaine is less addictive and causes fewer deaths (and yes, also super dangerous).

We are a culture desperate for human and personal connection.  We all want to be loved and accepted, but not at the sake of vulnerability. We don’t want to talk about our feelings or needs so we slap a “let’s get a drink sometime” onto the beginning or end of our sentences.

We’ve somehow come to replace “I’d really like to get to know you more” for “I’d love to have drinks soon.” We’ve swapped, “I’d really like to tell you more about my business so that we could work together” for “can I buy you a drink.”   And we’ve definitely used “we need a drink” with “that was super stressful or hard and I’d like to process how I feel.”

We have inserted alcohol because we need a safe place to talk, a starting point for a new friendship, support as a new mother, or an excuse for getting together. We’re too scared to say the words I need a friend right now so talking about drinking has become a bridge between our connections.

I believe we can change that.  Maybe we can start to notice the talk.  Maybe we can just pay attention and take not at how often it comes up.  Maybe we could attempt to invite, connect, establish, desire a friendship without talking about drinking.  

Instead of getting together for drinks let’s get together for great conversation and personal connection.  Let’s have brunch without the mimosa jokes.  Let’s be vulnerable enough to say that we are stressed and could use actual support instead of wine.  Let’s get to know each other so that we can bond over something true instead of the assumption that we have alcohol in common.

I’m not saying you have to leave out the alcohol. Drinking can still be involved just like eating french fries or having ice cream. But, just don’t make it a precursor to every single social setting. Have the guts to tell someone that they are worth spending time with and that’s why you want to be together.

We have the power and control to change how we connect. Let’s spend our very short time here on earth saying what we really mean and asking for what we need. Let’s try a “let’s meet up” vs “let’s meet up for drinks.”

As always, thank you so very much for reading. Want to get more in depth with these posts for an ongoing conversation? If so, join my private facebook group here. And, if you’re looking for ideas to have an alcohol free weekend, get that right here.