For so long I held onto lies about “what I thought” something would be like without actually trying to figure it out. It wasn’t just with drinking, but in general. I had a lack mindset and would always have a list of why I couldn’t do something or why this or that wouldn’t work for me. Time and time again I have been proven completely wrong.

In this post, I break down four of the biggest lies that I hear people talking about when it comes to drinking. The truth is these lies hold you back. Maybe things won’t go perfectly or maybe they could be better than you ever expected.

Myth #1-My friends will hate me.

This sentence alone tells me how effed up our society is when it comes to our beliefs around drinking. But, I bought into this big time. Let’s see? Would your friends hate you if you told them that you no longer wanted to eat hamburgers because they made your stomach upset?  Would your friends hate you if you told them that you wanted to stop dating someone because they made you feel like crap?  Would your friends hate you if you told them that you weren’t going to go through the drive though at Starbucks because you were trying to save money?  Would you friends hate you if you told them that you wanted to drop your five o’clock kickboxing class because it was interfering with your work schedule?

NO!!!  Your friends will not hate you.  

They love you for you and your friendship has much more meaning behind it than just drinking together.  They love spending time with you because you’re funny, kind, helpful, and you have memories together. 

Also, keep in mind that your friends have their own shit going on.  They are fighting their own battles of how to manage adulthood and it’s very unlikely they are thinking about your drinking like you are thinking about your drinking.  (Unless of course they are worried about you and in that case they will be relieved that you are planning to stop).

When I stopped drinking I didn’t know exactly what I was doing.  I just told my friends that I am not drinking for tonight, today, now.  When the time came around that I knew that I was never drinking again I never really had to say anything.  People had already moved on and it was just kind of known.  There was no announcement or big coming out.  In other words, you don’t have to write a blog about it.  Just sayin.

Caveat.  If your friends aren’t your friends and instead they are using you to fill some unmet need or void, then they might not want to hang out anymore.  Especially if the only time you see each other is when you drink.  That’s ok.  You can go back to your real friends and tell them that you no longer hang out with so and so because they ditched you for not drinking…

Myth #2  I won’t have fun if I don’t drink.

This is a big one.  We have been so brainwashed by media that it’s impossible to escape this myth.  Everywhere you turn you are seeing signs of people having fun while drinking.  BUT, if you look just beyond these messages you will see that this is marketing.  Imagine if you replaced all the images you see of alcohol with pork chops.  Would you think to yourself “Man, I really love sports but it would be so much better if I was eating a pork chop.”  Or, “This ocean sure is beautiful but you know what would make it better? A beach lined with pork chops.”  Or, “I am so happy to be getting engaged right now let’s go eat a pork chop.”  

You see?  

Your life is good.  Things are fun.  Drinking does not make them more fun.  Being around people you love doing things you love doesn’t need any kind of added bonus.  Joy is your birthright and we somehow forgot that.  We were sold on the idea that we need chemicals to enjoy life.  It’s just not true.

Caveat.   Maybe you don’t like the people that you hang with or the things that you are doing?  Maybe that is why drinking makes things tolerable.  Maybe you are not feeling happy and maybe your are a little depressed?  So, you drink a bit and things lighten up…temporarily.  If your life is only fun when you drink then it might be time to re evaluate how you’re spending your time…..

Ask for help, talk to someone, do some exploring about what you used to like to do when you were a child, and finally be open to having fun without being chemically induced. 

Myth #3 My Job Requires Me to Drink.

I happen to know a few sober bartenders.  If their job doesn’t require them to drink then your job doesn’t require you to drink.  I know what you are thinking.  “But, I’m in sales and I have to meet with clients and blah blah blah.”  Or, “I am in marketing and we have these social events blah blah…”

Do you want to know what’s not interesting?  Being exactly the same as everyone else.  Going out to eat and drink and getting tipsy or even drunk with clients is not going to close the deal.  Being engaging, authentic, helpful, and valuable is what is going to get the job done.

Caveat.  Somehow business and drinking have become intertwined. Your boss may not even know that he/she is pushing you to drink it’s just that we have forgotten what else to do. 

How about trying sporting events, hiking, go carting, bike riding, thrifting, art shopping, museums, etc.   If your client wants to drink then so be it.  Just make something up about why you’re not having one that day.  Feel a sore throat coming on?  Training for a big race?  Taking antibiotics?  Or, try going with the all out best response “No Thank You.”  You don’t owe anyone an explanation about why you don’t drink just like you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you don’t like asparagus.  Don’t not stop drinking because of a few strangers that you come across from time to time.  You do you.

Myth #4 I won’t be able to relax if I don’t drink.

Oh, I so believed this!  I just couldn’t figure out a way to overcome this fear that I might not be able to relax.  I recently read a great quote that said “You can be committed to your bullshit or committed to your growth but you can’t be committed to both.”  I believed that I wouldn’t be able to relax because I was committed to my bullshit.  Married to it.  

Was I relaxed when I had a three day hangover?  Was I relaxed when I woke up every morning wondering if I said something embarrassing the night before?  Was I relaxed when after three drinks the kids still begged me to get them 100 snacks, play 10 games of candy land, or spend an hour fighting with them to go to sleep?  NO!  

Here’s a crazy idea, try something that is actually relaxing. Go for a walk, listen to music, cook something, write in a journal, read, inhale lavender oil, etc.  Alcohol is not proven to be relaxing but it is proven to be a downer and it will definitely mess with your brain and trick all the chemicals to get out of whack making it harder for you to naturally relax (especially if you are already experiencing anxiety and depression).

Caveat.  You’ve probably convinced yourself that the behavior of having the drink is relaxing.  I wish someone could have done a research project on me to see if I felt relaxed just at the notion of “having a drink” and not actually drinking it. 

So, you might need to switch things up a bit and get out of that routine. If you’re used to having a drink at 5 o clock, trying doing something different to change up that habit. Changing the habit will make it way easier than just trying not to do the thing you always do.

Have you bought into any of these myths? Look, when it comes to the unknown we feel scared. We feed this fear with made up stories and preconceived ideas. We do this as protection and safety and this actually goes back to our innate survival mechanisms. But that doesn’t mean it’s true.

When I stopped lying to myself and discovered the truth………my life began. What are you waiting for?